Over the last few months, I’ve been hearing a lot of men ask, “But what about me?” This question keeps popping up, and it got me thinking. Why the sudden surge of this question? Then I thought about the powerful wave of Women Empowerment—our collective effort to take control of our lives, minds, and bodies. I think of trailblazing women like Lizzo and Ashley Graham breaking stereotypes around body image, and the #MeToo movement challenging the notion that our bodies are something owed to men for doing us a favor. Let's not forget that the fastest-growing group of entrepreneurs is women—particularly Black women.
With all of this in mind, it’s hard not to wonder: are women taking over? Especially with a woman running for president, if she wins, it would change everything when it comes to women in leadership.
So when some of the men around me ask, "What about us?" I understand where they're coming from. They're saying, “Not all of us are bad guys or dismissive of women. What about what I want and feel?” It seems like some men are mistaking women’s newfound freedom for their own extinction. But the truth is, we aren’t trying to make men obsolete. We just want to be heard and seen. We’re saying, "Hey, we’re more than just part of the table—we are the table." We want control over our bodies, decisions, and lives without men always being the deciding factor.
My Brother’s Keeper
I truly believe in duality. Just as we are our sister’s keeper, we’re also our brother’s keeper. Not all men are harming or misusing women. In fact, many men support and rally for women, and it’s completely fair for them to want that same support in return.
Men have struggles that often go unheard. They carry trauma that never reaches a therapist’s ear. According to PubMed, women are twice as likely as men to experience major depression, but men are four times more likely to take their own lives. This could stem from the societal norm that men shouldn’t fully express their emotions. There’s so much focus on supporting women—and rightfully so—but where is the focus on men’s well-being? For example, when a couple loses a child, most condolences go to the mother. But the father grieves too, often in silence, carrying that trauma. And what about our Black and Latino brothers, who walk out the door with the weight of being a target or being stereotyped?
So how can we help our helpmates? Let’s start with some basics.
Ask the Simple Questions
We tend to overlook simple questions like, “How are you?” or “How was your day?” These little check-ins can make a big difference. Asking about his day gives him a chance to unload and release the stress or trauma he’s picked up along the way.
Encourage Emotional Expression
Create a safe environment where he can express his feelings without fear of judgment. We, as women, won’t fully understand a man’s thought patterns, but our goal should be to listen and understand—not to respond or fix things. This safe space allows men to feel vulnerable and supported.
Promote Healthy Lifestyles and Self-Care
Encourage him to prioritize his health. Whether it’s reminding him to eat balanced meals or to go for regular checkups, being proactive about health can make a world of difference. Did you know that 72 percent of men would rather do household chores—like cleaning the bathroom—than go see a doctor? According to AARP, this is true! So when you finally get him to schedule that appointment, treat yourself to a glass of wine. You’ve earned it.
The Bottom Line
We all want to be treated equally. In an ideal world, men and women would receive the same treatment across the board, but that doesn’t mean we should overlook the specific relationships we have with each other. Society often dismisses men’s emotions, and they’re expected to keep it all inside. As women, let’s make an effort to really check in with the men in our lives and not lump them all into the same category. Not all men are the same, and many of those who seem distant or indifferent just haven’t had someone show them that they care.
Don't be Shy? What are your thoughts? Share your ideas in the comments below!
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