I was able to maintain my weight from last week. That is always better than gaining. This week I am still shooting for my 2-pound goal. My first milestone is 323 pounds, and I am hoping to reach that by February 2021.
The title of this article was remixed by the legendary India Arie song, I am not my hair.
I used to play this song for one of my besties when she having a bad hair day. Her bad hair days would destroy her day and I played the song to cheer her up. Although she gave me dirty looks, I was trying to convince her that her appearance was not limited to a hairstyle. How she used to feel about a bad hair day is I feel I am made to feel about being overweight.
I am aware of my struggles and ups and downs and I fight through my feelings and do the work to keep a smile on my face. With all that self-work it goes down the drain when I go outside I am instantly profiled by my weight.
If I boast too much, I am seen as overcompensating while the smaller sized women are praised for it. When dating I was known as the “cool friend” or “nightly girlfriend” while some of my smaller friends were considered “the one”. When greeted by some family members the first response is a comment about my size. Throughout life, I have noticed the difference in reactions towards larger people vs. smaller ones. I notice the difference in how people react to larger people and they see us as weak and powerless.
I’ve experienced a man open a door for a smaller woman and then let it go when I was right behind her. I had a friend say to me how shocked she was when I married before her like that wouldn’t hurt my feelings. Am I suppose to be ok with piss-poor comments that are spoken to me? When I mention these comments are bothering me, then I am told they are jokes. I never have or do find it funny.
Don’t get me wrong, someone genuinely reaching out to me does not bother me. It is the intent behind the comment that irks me. I don’t need a preset comment to inform me of my body size. Why is that subject always brought up? What about how I am feeling or what I am up to. I am more than my weight.
In my opinion, some people equate fatness as a weakness, and I wonder if that is a way to make them feel better about themselves. Little do they know I look in the mirror every day, rolls and all, and tell myself how beautiful I am. This routine helps me counteract the crazy comments and reactions that will come my way throughout the day.
Fat and all, I have accomplished to graduate twice and land my dream job even when I was told by a mentor that I had to lose weight to be taken seriously in the corporate world.
Another tip is not pointing out my “flaw” just because it is external and I will refrain from pointing out your internal imperfections. How about not assuming I don’t love myself and I am not trying to get healthy. For some people, genetics or a diagnosis makes it harder for them to lose weight. And the last pointer, if you are not adding encouragement please shut the hell up.
I don’t need to feel like I’m unworthy of love because I am over 300 pounds. I have a doctor to remind me of the hazardous effect of obesity so I don’t need to hear that from everyone else. It’s also weird when other overweight people try to berate me, please have a seat because clearly, your struggling and we should be supporting each other. Don’t tell me about the level of my efforts because I am present when making such efforts.
After so many words, I am not my weight. My weight is a part of me but it’s not my entire essence. Curvy women, it does not matter if a guy tells you he doesn’t like big women, because around the corner there are some guys who will love every pound of you.
You are not your weight or the labels that follow. This platform is about living unapologetically no matter your size, race, sexual orientation, or whatever else.
All we can do is figure out who you are…and bask in that ish. Love yourself so much that you laugh and walk away from those that don’t. Respect yourself so much that you tolerate nothing less.
We are trying to be the best we can be and we advise those toxic people to do the same. Plus sizes are not anyone’s charity. We are Dope XXXL!
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