Tips for Building a Healthy Support System
The current theme in America is Queendom. Everyone is wearing a crown and taking control of their Empire. No one is dependent on anyone with the hopes of succeeding just to brag how much no one gave me them anything.
The crazy thing about this idea is no one can whole-heartedly do anything alone and even if that ultimate goal is not reaching out to familiar company there was probably a stranger along the way that keyed in on that success.
There is strength in a community!
Although someone might not be able to assist monetarily they may have threw you a lead, encouraged and supported you along the way. If it was not for that support and encouragement you would might have not been able to keep moving. If it wasn’t for that expert advice you might have been stuck in the process. Unacknowledged help does not negate being helped. We have all had someone assist us with someone. And if my theory hold true, why is it such a shame to admit this?
True strength is being wise enough to reach out to help especially if you know where to get it. Why choose to be alone on this journey purposely especially during this internet age. We have the ability to cautionary reach out to people all over the world for help and the ironic (well not so ironic) thing there are people that will genuinely help.
This entire of idea of “Me, Me, Me” may have not derived so much from vanity but slight bitterness. I can attest to receiving help in the past only for the person to throw it in my face when I pissed them off or be dangled in my face for a far-fetched favor. Instances like that can make you bitter if allowed. During my short but long 35 years on earth I’ve learned to stop accepting help from people like that.
Nothing on Earth is worth your happiness.
The recipe for comfortably asking for help is having or (in some cases) creating a support system. Over the years I have edited the members of my support system. The group of people I surround myself with allows me to feel comfortable when feeling vulnerable. These people are my safe zone and you can build this same support. I don’t have all of the answers but I have a couple of tips I picked up over the years.
Energy is free-flowing and easily transferable. With this in mind it is very pertinent to your energy. In other words, if you feeling negativity energy every time you are near a person. Or if they shoot down every idea or they are wearing a rain cloud all of the time they may not be a great support candidate.
This type of person may actually need to be supported or could be plain toxic. Unhappy people sow unhappy seeds. If you are looking to be happy it will be close to impossible if constantly near this type of person. And, no, I am not mixing an honest friend with a toxic one as sometimes are honest friends can be Debbie Downers as well, but we know they have our best interest at heart.
Here’s the difference:
Honest Friend: “I think that is a good idea but you know that you need to be more disciplined when trying to do that. Maybe try researching more before you set out for said thing.”
Toxic Friend: “I don’t think that is going to work. Why are you always setting yourself up for failure? You should just stick to what you know like me.”
Although these conversations are circumstantial, you will be able to tell the difference. An honest friend will still support you while trying to help you stay realistic in your goal making. A toxic friend will most likely kill most or all of your ideas and compare your idea to how much it did not work out for them. Oh, yea…they will never offer support.
Compare but Don’t Compare
It’s wise to discern energy to ensure you are not attracting the same energy you are trying to escape from, but, it is not wise to be nit-pick the crap of someone’s personality. No one person is the same and it is not fair to the next person to make them pay for someone else’s mistakes. If you are choosing people you freshly met give them a fair chance. It would also be wise to not divulge sensitive things about yourself until you are sure your information can be trusted.
If you are reaching out to people you’ve known for years, it still not fair to hold them hostage to other people’s mistakes or their past mistakes. Forgiving is a great option whether you let them back in or not. But if you are deciding to let that person back in your life it’s a clean slate. If you are reaching out to a person you’ve known for a long time and they are a little reluctant to fall back in, give them time or simply accept the end of an era.
Don’t Be the Toxic One
So I am going to piggyback to the bitter point. Bitterness is nothing but festered up anger. You are going to have to let it out and talk to someone about it. Once it’s out let it stay out. What’s done is done. You are moving forward with your supportive family/friends. It would be very hard for people to support you if you are not kind to them or demanding, crazy, intangible expectations of them.
This is so cliché but “hurt people hurt people”. Don’t become a victimizer. If you are all bottled up and trust no one seek a therapist before rounding your support system. This will help you to avoid burning the foundation of the bridge you are trying to build. Don’t lay your insecurities on others, it’s just unfair.
Another instance I have noticed in support systems are opportunists. This is extremely toxic as this person is basically using people to get where they are trying to go. It is great to have help but don’t abuse your help or don’t build a support system just for the mere sake of getting something out of people. You will find yourself constantly dismantling and structuring support systems. This will make your repetitive support system builder in other words a phony, dishonest person that is only looking out for self. The entire purpose of the support system is for you all to support each other not just solely support you.
these small tips were helpful in helping you start a solid support system. It may also help you to realize you were already supported and hadn’t realized it. There are over 7 billion people on this Earth and none of us should ever have to make it in life alone.