I Love Her More

By: Anonymous

Baby Momma Drama!

Yup, that’s me! The 8 year on and off relationship ended when he decided to go off with another girl. The truth was, I wasn’t capable of loving him anymore after he had left us for drugs, no matter how much he changed, and I just couldn’t. Yeah, maybe I wasn’t loving him the way he deserved to be loved, but I didn’t deserve the cruel heartbreak either. He left me, as we were both naked just after being intimate that was it. He told me he didn’t want to continue it anymore. Although I knew I didn’t love him the way he deserved, I was still heartbroken he would do this to me, not the way he did. I cried, I was mad, I yelled, I screamed… but time heals everything right? 

 I realized shortly after I didn’t even want to be in that toxic relationship, I was just trying to hold onto my family. I didn’t miss him, I missed the thought of having a family. It felt good to not be called a “fat bitch”. Then he broke the news, he quit his job, and was moving 3 hours away. What was I gonna do?

I have a 6 year old daughter to take care of, and no one to help! Luckily I had a savings, and his family helped me with babysitting while I went to work. He would see her, here and there but nothing consistent. He told me once he got on his feet, he would help out. Well 3 months passed by, and the only help I got was $60 bucks, but was still being patient. He went around telling friends and family that the reason he left me was because I was sleeping around, I was furious! Of course I called him mad! But of course he would tell people about my outbreaks, but never what caused them. 

Then his family told me, that they weren’t gonna watch her for me anymore, I would have to find a babysitter. Six months in, and my savings account was depleted, I had no babysitter. Then BOOM, I found out he was buying his new girlfriend a Car! So I kindly texted him (after having no contact with him) for financial help, he didn’t respond.

His family would still see my daughter, even though they refused to babysit for me, I asked them to talk to them. They told me, that I make enough money to raise her on my own! I was outraged! I never asked the family for anything, they never offered to help, and I told them I was struggling. So I finally just decided to cut off contact them, because I was tired of being made out to be the bad guy.

So I filed for child support. He gets served and months of no contact (6 to be exact) he text me asking to see our Daughter since I’m taking him to court. I told him, I’ve never kept him from seeing her, he is the one that got up, moved and stopped all contact. I let him have supervised visits, I just couldn’t trust him. He cancelled his second visit. He started giving me money, but was very flaky. We finally had court for child support 3 months later, and he tried telling the court that I kept her from him!! He made me out to be this monster! I told the lady [judge], I have every text message from the past year, and the first time he asked to see her, my response was “when?” He then went on to say, that he assumed I wouldn’t let him see her, which are two separate things! We settle child support, but the lady [judge] told him he would have to go to court for custody.

I told him, we don’t have to go to court, we can make our own agreement. I told him, the important thing to me is communication and consistency. So we agreed to every other weekend. The first weekend he picked her up, I asked him to call me when they got there, it was 3 hours away and my daughter gets car sick, and he didn’t call me, so I called him and he ignored all my calls. I went on to call his wife (yes [the girlfriend] got married after being with each other for 6 months). He said he lost his phone, and didn’t know my number (lies) plus my daughter has a phone with my number and she knows it by heart.

Fast Forward…

It’s the second month in, and he has already cancelled two visits.. I ended up giving up my weekend so he could see her, not for him, but for my daughter! I always say, “I love my daughter more than I could ever hate him”. Which in all honesty, I don’t even hate him. I would have sacrificed my happiness to be with someone just to make my daughter happy, I would have never left that relationship just so my daughter could have both parents. But because it did end, I met someone who is amazing to both me and my daughter, I learned to love myself all over again. I am a better and stronger person now because of it!

 I learned, that I am all my daughter has, so I need to take care of me, so I could take care of her. In this past year, I’ve lost 90 pounds, and I don’t see myself the way he made me feel. I’m much happier now. I hope one day he realizes, I’m not the enemy. I hope one day, he can learn to put his daughter first, but until then I will continue to be the best mom I can, and fill in his responsibilities too.

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