Most love stories begin the same…
Two random people meet at a random time at a random place make a connection and love knocks them out.
At the start of the relationship everything is exciting and new. You can’t get enough of each other. You learn all the details about each other. You discover little cute quirks about and at this time even their imperfections are perfect.
Over time the relationship falls into this routine that is comfortable at first but then starts to get a little routine. I noticed over time this happened in my marriage. I’ve known my husband since high school so there was a familiarity between us. Although we were evolving as adults we stopped evolving in our relationship.
Basically we stopped dating. We stopped learning each other and figured we knew everything we need to know about each other. This kind of thinking does dull any situation and it led me to doubt if I was still attractive or even to the point of if he loved me anymore.
See, the tricky thing about the mind is it automatically point blame at the other person while omitting all self accountability. All causes are not actions but can be reactions. Personally I found myself always pointing blame and telling my husband what he used to do. But I never stopped to notice the things I stopped doing.
Actually I stopped the romantic gestures and doing the things I used to do. I can’t say that it was intentional but it happened. I could not pinpoint when it happened but I immediately talked with my husband about it. In our conversation we learned that we stopped a lot of things due to reacting to the other person. Our reasoning was obstacles in live taking any energy we would have left for each other. We learned our personal battles were taking over. And instead of talking about it with each other we concealed it and try to deal with it alone.
The whole purpose of being in a relationship is not having to conquer life alone. Marriage is a God-given partnership that should make both parties feel comfortable with being vulnerable with each other. Sometimes these vulnerabilities are embarrassing and you don’t know how your partner will respond. I know that was my reason until I opened up to him about some things. Once I opened up, he opened up. We stop taking our frustrations out at each other and started understanding each other. This understanding led to rekindling our flame. This flame we both vowed we would fight harder to ensure it would stay ignited.
Honestly this was not an over night success. It took time, patience, prayer and us really listening to each other. I find that in relationships one party points blame to the next when in actuality it’s both parties. Even it is as simple as the one person not telling the other person how they fill. I believe most relationships do not work out due to the lack of communication. If one person would have said “It hurts when you do that.” It might have stopped the issue in its track rather than snowballing into a much bigger issue that inevitably ended the relationship.
I am not saying all relationships are meant to last but I’m also not saying most relationships aren’t meant to last but If you think it’s worth it, do the work and take accountability of your actions. It’s not always about what he/she is not doing but what YOU have stopped doing.