Anti-Superwoman Mentality- Your Efforts are Enough
I don’t normally target a specific audience but ladies, we do a lot! We are constantly multitasking, fixing what’s broken, nurturing our family all while dealing with the insecurity of inadequacy. On top of that, social media is naming us Queens and Superwomen. What a heavy title to live up to!
I am not saying women cannot be queens, but what I am saying is sometimes we play so much into that role that we forget to give ourselves a break. Sometimes we forget to say to ourselves, “I am enough”. Getting lost in this superwoman mentality, I came across an invite to a Facebook Group entitled, “#ASM Anti-Superwoman Mentality”. This page made me realize that being constantly busy is not always a good thing, especially if you never take the time to decompress. The genius idea of the Anti-Superwoman revolution was created by two lovely ladies, Candice Lodree and Nikeisha (Keisha) Wicks. They not only send encouragement on their Facebook page, but they release a bi-weekly vlog presenting topics that pertain to self-care and self-regard. After viewing their vlogs I had to reach out to them for an interview and I am so honored they so kindly accepted.
Quick Facts about the Creators of the Anti-Superwoman Mentality
Business Name: #ASM Revolution
Product/Service Provided: We are a women’s empowerment group that is set to inspire, empower and encourage the everyday woman. We provide a bi-weekly vlog through our Youtube channel that focuses on a variety of topics that affect women from all walks of life. We also provide products that focus on our signature theme “Our efforts are enough” to encourage women to strive to be the best versions of themselves and let go of concepts that are set to undermine their self- worth, confidence and identity.
Years of Expertise: We have been in operation for 3 months, however Nikeisha and Candice have over ten years of experience in Human Services.
Social Media Sites/Websites: Our apparel shop can be found at: www.shop.spreadshirt.com/antisuperwoman
Youtube: ASM Vlog
Top Three Accomplishments:
- I am a Family Life Coach and I established my own life coaching business three years ago that is now operating under the name The C.L. Brand at www.candicelodree.com.
- I am an author with my first published e-book called Love Talk: Marriage Edition – 25 Communication Approaches to a Happier, Loving and Honest Marriage.
- I have been married for 13 years to my loving husband (Andre Lodree) and have 4 amazing children (Nichele, Andre III, Layla & Caragyn)
- I’ve been married for 10 years and have 4 amazing children
- I and my husband are youth pastors and have started an outreach program for children called Parkside Sunday School in 2017. We are also planning to launch a church this spring in Maywood, IL.
- Last year, I also launched a personal blog (mrspeculiarmom.com) to encourage women by sharing my story and revelations.
Q: What attracted me to this vlog was the word Anti-Superwoman. Because I am often greeted with the words “Queen” and “Boss” this term resonated with me. I find that terms like “Boss” and “Queen” come with an unlimited amount of responsibility so anything that is “Anti” relieves me. With this relief I have an idea what this may mean, but can you describe what components make up an Anti-Superwoman?
Candice: When individuals greet you with the words “BOSS” “Queen” “Superwoman” or “Powerhouse” it puts a significant amount of pressure on a woman to have to live up to all that comes with the title. While as women we may display in our actions these qualities of a BOSS or Superwoman, that doesn’t always mean we want that title to hang over our heads. I think back to the year of 2013, which was a year of transitioning for me. I was a wife working a full time job, attending post graduate school full time, had two children under the age of 5, pregnant with my third child and assumed multiple responsibilities in the current church I was attending. Till this day I don’t know how I did it, but I was able to do it all.
I unfortunately became severely sick from my pregnancy and was let go from my job. I was devastated. For some reason I felt I failed myself and my family from something that was beyond my control. I continued to focus on my education, roles as a wife and mother and the roles I assumed in my church, but I felt incomplete. I felt I was missing the component of my career and I wasn’t living up to being this “Superhuman” that everyone complimented me on being. Looking back on it, I realize it was a blessing in disguise, because while everyone was complimenting me on being this amazing superwoman, they weren’t there to get me through the sleepless nights, the anxiety attacks or crying fits that I endured trying to live up the titles they put on me.
Still to this day, I have issues with controlling that feeling of wanting to do it all and prove to the world that I can handle more things than I really need to, but I fight those feelings with assuming the “Anti-superwoman mentality.”
“Anti-superwoman means accepting all of you, your faults, your mistakes, your issues along with your strengths, talents and gifts.”
Its about understanding that you don’t have to live up to what others expect for you to do or be but about living up to what you believe you should do or be. It’s about letting go of the constant criticism of not being the best over certain things or others, but accepting that YOU ROCK in whatever you put your best efforts into. It’s about knowing that you are human, not superhuman and that you are allowed to fail without being penalized for it.
Keisha : An anti-superwoman is a woman who is indeed confident, bold, secure, talented, strong and successful but also cognizant of the fact that she’s human and makes mistakes. She’s selfless but also striving to be self-aware. I have been through many seasons in my life when I had to juggle many different commitments. Last year was the most difficult time for me because I had a full time remote corporate job, 2 part-time ministry jobs, 4 children under the age of 7 and I stayed at home full time with my toddler. I felt like the stress was overwhelming and it was time to get things in order within my life if I wanted to be the best version of myself. My personal trials are what motivated me to write the blog post, Anti-Superwoman Mentality: My efforts are enough and apparently many other women could relate to it.
Q: What inspired the Anti-Superwoman revolution?
Candice & Keisha: We developed the idea through a series of conversations about our daily roles and routines. We both would express how the stress, anxiety, pressure and guilt would consume us due to the ridiculous expectations we put on ourselves. We recognized we were trying to live up to the identity of being a “superwoman” which a variety of individuals would call us after they would hear about the many hats we wear. We both said that we are not super women and decided to put an end to that façade in stating that “our efforts were enough.” We want women to be okay with who they are, strive to better but set boundaries and take care of themselves in the process. Nikeisha wrote a blog about our conversations and Candice created a product that represents our message. Once the blog and products were created, we knew we had to put a face to the message; therefore the Vlog/FB group was born which connected to over 1,000 ladies nationwide.
Q: In your first video on Youtube you mentioned being wives, mothers while juggling other duties. What are some ways you decompress?
Candice: Its funny that you asked that question due to I am still working on that area… lol. Things that I have found that help me decompress are the simple things. Getting my hair, nails and feet done. Spending 15 to 20 minutes in the bathroom by myself to just stop thinking and just be. Having a random dance break when listening to my favorite music or talking to God and actually listening for him to speak to my spirit. While those things may be simple and not extravagant, they get me through this hectic thing we call life with a smile on my face.
Keisha: One way that I decompress is by writing. I do not post all of my writings, but I do find it therapeutic. Other ways include, reading my bible and other encouraging books, enjoying time with family and close friends, getting lost in one of my favorite TV shows (“This Is Us” is at the top of the list) and self-care trips to the salon. Running used to be a “go to” activity for me but my treadmill has too many cobwebs at this point. Not even sure if it still works…lol.
Q: In both of your vlogs, there was emphasis placed on partnership versus rivalry. What factors do you think play a role in female rivalry? What are ways you think would invite women to join together instead of compete?
Candice & Keisha: We believe the main factor that plays into female rivalry is our battle to deal with our own insecurities. We all have insecurities about ourselves, but as women we tend to find it easier to place our insecurities on other women instead of dealing with them in a healthy manner. Reality television has been a huge contributor in promoting this very issue. If you evaluate most of these shows, they all involve women competing with each other in the vilest ways. However, when you look further into the root of their issues, most of the women have extreme insecurities that they refuse to address or unaware of how to address them in a healthy way.
“I believe if we continue to have honest and transparent conversations about this issue, it will create an atmosphere that will invite a space for unity and positivity.”
Success is not proprietary and there’s plenty of room for all of us to succeed. Sometimes hearing words of affirmation from another woman that have been through a similar experience cultivates an environment for healing, growth, self-confidence and success in any area of our lives.
Q: I viewed your latest video on Youtube and you talked about the 3 “P’s” to completing goals. The 3 “Ps” consist of Practical, Patience and Process. How did you ladies conceptualize the Anti-Superwomen Mentality Vlog utilizing these steps?
Candice & Keisha: We wanted to approach the vlog in a way that will be relatable to every woman. Therefore we had to get out of our own heads and not make things too complicated. We didn’t wait till we had fancy editing, professional space, props and special lighting. We applied a practical mindset and utilized the space and materials we already had and focused on getting the message out to the audience.
We made sure our plans are aligned with our ultimate goal and making sure we stayed in the lines of what our own capacity is. We also understood that we couldn’t give everything to the people all at once. Keisha and I are filled with so many ideas that it’s hard not to put everything out there all at one time. However, we realize that using patience and giving our audience small dosages is best so they can receive it and have time to apply it in their own lives. When starting anything you have to recognize that some type of process will be involved. We know that our message is new and controversial, therefore we don’t expect for everyone to automatically take to what we are delivering. However, we are trusting in the process of being consistent, honest and helpful which eventually will draw in the audience that we know needs to hear our message.
Q: I love the t-shirts you ladies wore in the first video that read “My Efforts are Enough”. How powerful of a message that is for the ladies that wear a plethora of hats. What other type of advice would you like to give to the multitasking woman?
Candice: Delegate! Sometimes we tend to take on the mindset that we have to do it all; however there is nothing wrong with asking for help every now and then to get the job done. If someone is available, request their assistance. It doesn’t make you needy or incompetent; it makes you resourceful and creative. Be confident that at the end of the day you don’t have to prove to anyone that you are capable of juggling different hats, you proved that, what is important is your self-preservation and sanity!
Keisha: Thanks for the compliment on the shirt. My advice for the woman who wears multiple hats is always prioritize your commitments and responsibilities according to what’s most important to you and don’t ever be afraid to say no when you are stretched beyond your capacity. Only you can control your level of commitment, no one else. And most importantly your time is just as valuable as your money. Use it wisely.
Q: What can viewers expect from the Anti-Superwoman Mentality Vlog this year?
Candice & Keisha : We definitely are going to continue with our vlog and discuss relatable and current topics that the everyday woman is experiencing. We will continue to bring out more products that promote women empowerment and continue to grow our community that inspires and encourages women. We have a lot of ideas and things planned, however, we enjoy surprising our followers.
Be Your Own Kind Staple Question: If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be?
Keisha: Survivor. There is so much to my story that I have never share with anyone besides my husband. Most of which includes how I have managed to survive the crazy obstacles and circumstances that I faced from a child into early adulthood. It’s really only because of the grace of God that I am even alive and doing the type of work I do. One day my story will be told in a novel. There’s no date set yet but I believe it’s almost time.
Candice: Humbled. I’ve always felt I lived my life in the shadows. I surround myself with individuals that shine brighter or live louder than me which gives me the advantage to see life from a variety of perspectives. This in turn, has allowed me to reflect and meditate on the many blessings that I have received in my life and allow