rquniquely/ December 20, 2017/ Mental Notes/ 0 comments

A while ago,  my fingers were so swole that my wedding rings were cutting off the circulation. Although they were tight and uncomfortable for days I dealt with the pain. I was hoping the swelling would go down but it would not. A few days later I had to get this rings off so I lathered my hands with layers of soap to until it painfully came off.  It took 20 minutes for the ring to come off and boy … what a relief!

What made me even think of that occurrence was my recent attempt to put my ring back on just to find out my fingers are too fat to put them back on. Could it be that’s why my fingers initially swelled because the ring simply did not fit anymore. Then I started thinking about clothes I keep that I can no longer fit or stuff I have that does not fit my ideal lifestyle. Then my thoughts delved deeper and I started thinking about how uncomfortable I was in life.  To be clear I was not hoping to live someone else’s life but a life that tailor fit my goals.

Basically, I was living a life that was cutting off circulation.

After turning 30 I was still living the life I did in my 20s. I was still expecting life to work without actions. I was still trying to please my parents and be a people-pleaser to everyone in my life. By doing this I was forfeiting my goals to ensure everyone accomplished theirs. I pointed fingers at those same people when in actuality it was my fault for not setting boundaries. Instead of changing those behaviors and restructuring who I kept in my life I kept going as usual.

This year I decided to lather the mental soap to remove the people, behaviors and various things that were cutting off circulation. Just like those rings it was painful, caused a lot of tears and heartache. At the end it became liberating to use strong words like “no” or just simply being more honest with myself about things. Although everyone’s ideal life is different I wanted to share some things I am doing  to mold a life that fits me.

Figure Out Your Ideal Life

Before moving forward with any changes, you need to sit down and think about the life you want to lead. If it’s financial freedom, being respected more, being a more reliable person, starting a business, purchasing a house just to name a few. You are basically creating a blueprint of what you want. It can go deeper than obtaining physical things, the beauty is it’s YOUR ideal lifestyle. Also, this is no one time thing as you will always want to tailor your life as you progress in life, at least in my opinion.

Taking Accountability

It is a great thing to create a blueprint but the plan means nothing if there is no follow through. Before you follow through any plan, you would need to hold yourself accountable for the part you play in the situations you want to change. This is taking all of the fingers that pointed at others and redirecting them at yourself. For instance, if it’s losing weight you would need to look at your eating and exercise habits. You would not blame the Starbucks for adding the sugar to drinks because it’s you who make your coffee order. You do not blame your family and friends as they do not hold a gun to your head making you eat unhealthy things. This step requires self awareness. Self awareness is not always a pretty process but it’s a necessary one to identify what needs to be changed.

Detoxing

Normally when people hear the word “detox” they think of a colon cleanse or some tea to drink to melt fat. Detox is an unlimited word. You may need to detox your mind of self defeating thoughts. Or detox the group of people you are around as they no longer fit the blueprint of your ideal life. You may need to detox some bad behaviors that cause negativity in your life.

You may be thinking , “how do I do this?” There a million ways from googling information on how to change, therapy or talking to a trusted person, prayer and meditation and/or reading a book. Prayer and Mediation and reading helps me a lot. Right now I reading “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life” written by Jen Sincero.

Courtesy of Be Your Own Kind

This book is incredible Great so far! I am in the middle of the book and she talks about eliminating excuses which to me is similar to self-accountability. Only you can decide what you need to detox and your course of action.

Planning

Now that you have written the blueprint, conducted a self evaluation and detoxed your selected poison. Now it’s time to make a plan. And believe me, I am practicing what I preach.

My infamous goal board

Anytime I think of something I add it to my board. By writing down my goals I am breathing life in them and watching them happen. It’s also good to see your goals versus storing them in your mind; thoughts can change in a heartbeat and change your path incessantly. The mind has a way of veering people in a million directions that at times can be overwhelming. By writing down your goals, you can tackle them one by one without feeling overwhelmed. And it is very rewarding to cross things off the list as you complete them.

Staying Encouraged

Change is not always easy. I am speaking from experience, it is uncomfortable, but I encourage you to stay on course. As I am going through my journey I will share as much as I can as we are always in this together. We are not meant to suffocate our way through life. We only get one life and it’s up to us to make the most of it. Just like my wedding ring, life sometimes need resizing in order to be comfortable. And whatever you do please be patient with the process.

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