In my opinion, everyone wants to be liked. Everyone seeks acceptance. Some will die and never experience what it is to be liked or accepted. Some will spend their entire life trying to obtain people’s affection and approval.
This is entirely human nature until you decide to defy that feeling.
Personally, I’ve spent majority of life bending over backwards and stepping outside of myself to get this approval. My likes and dislikes camouflaged into every one else’s. My identity was a chameleon, no individuality of my own. I thought always agreeing with other ‘s and doing asinine favors were the key to being liked.
This behavior eventually became too heavy for me. My parents want me one way while my friends expected things that were not naturally in me. My enemies, well, I did not have those in my mind because I was doing all I could to be liked. The word yes was killing me. Literally killing me.
And it wasn’t like anyone was asking me to do this. I was actually doing this to myself.
The word yes caused so many anxieties. So many insecurities as I ALWAYS thought I was not good enough. A good enough daughter. A good enough Wife. Good enough Friend. Good enough Sister. Good enough Grand-Daughter. But the truth is I was not adequate in these relationships.
I was emptied out because I never took the time to stop and take a refill. I never took the time to say “Yes” to my wants, my goals and my dreams. I sacrificed me to gain admiration of others; not knowing every time I said “No” to me I was shrinking my voice and existence.
This empty feeling makes you susceptible to a lot of things and cancerous people. People out there waiting to prey on you. Or just simply people closest to you taking advantage of this instead of bringing it to your attention. People would always say to me “ I did not ask you to do that” But I would always think to myself later “you did not refuse it either .”
The Power of “No”
It was not until my late 20s that I learned I can’t keep going like this but it wasn’t until my 30s until I decided to make a change. It was nothing major I did just a small word that made a world of difference “No”. Say it with me “No”.
Now before you go off and say this word you have to be prepared of not being liked. Most importantly you have to be careful in accepting yourself over being accepted by others. The word “No” open doors for self care. “No” establishes boundaries. When you refuse to conform and stop running ragged for toxic people your cup begins to fill. And not only do you become enough for yourself but there is an overflow that pours into those that deserve it.
Yes, I value being a good wife,daughter, friend, etc. But I no longer attempt to be that perfect somebody to everyone. I’m not perfect and neither are they. Doing whatever and taking whatever does not help one to be liked but more so disrespected and ran over. It depletes your self worth.
You are important to you, there is only one like you.
This life is not a rehearsal and there aren’t any do overs. I learned I deserve to be the best me I can be for myself. My best is all I have to give and by giving the best me to myself it can overflow to others.
Yes, I am in a way saying be selfish. However, I am not promoting arrogance I am promoting self love. Charity begins with how you feel about yourself. If you don’t accept you, how can you expect others to. If you don’t know your worth how can you expect to attract people that value your worth.
I am now comfortable admitting when I don’t feel like doing something. I don’t need to make excuses when I am honest with myself. I don’t need to pretend or make up stories when I don’t want to do something. I used to get mad when others said “no” but I get it now…they knew their limits. It’s liberating to not only refuse to do everything and be everything to everybody but it helps me respect others that use this word too.
I am not saying I don’t like acceptance. I am saying I no longer feel the need to step outside myself or knowingly get walked over just to be accepted.
It means I choose my circle it doesn’t choose me. It means no matter what relationship you are to me…I am the most important person to me. I matter and if I’m not enough for others…I’m always going to be enough for me.